meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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