dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
