My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
