I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You took a bar mat shot.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
