i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
