So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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