The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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