I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
