The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
