Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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