rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
