Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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