I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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