How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize