It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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