hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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