Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
