were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
