I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
