I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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