OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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