mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
