Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
