I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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