Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
