i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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