Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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