Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
