thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
