Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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