There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
