Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
