Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
