Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
