he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
