I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
