People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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