kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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