Ambien. No doubt about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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