He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
