My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
