hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
