You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
