That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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