My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize