i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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