I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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