We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
