windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
