I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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