Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
