He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
