Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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