my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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