Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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